Sunday 10th – I woke up and immediately checked the wounds on my hands. They are still swollen, but less painful. That’s a good thing. “I can’t wait to buy a washing machine” I whisper…but then if I do, will I still need a house help? I leave that thought hanging. I have all the time to make my mind.
I check my phone for any missed calls and important messages. So much hype over Mothers’ Day! As an exhausted one, I could do with a break and let my hands rest even for just a day! I want to lay in bed and read a book that promises to transform me into a great person, that will give me the kick in the ass (that I truly need) to start living my dream! But then, the tea flask I left unwashed last night will not clean itself…nor will the milk, water and tea leaves jump into the sufuria and boil to brew.
So I wake up.
Breakfast is ready in a few and the girls wake up in my rush to get the floor clean and dry. They look happy. Exhilarated even. Happy Mother’s Day! They shout joyfully. Is it? I silently. It’s one of those days when you wake up worrying about tomorrow. Those days when you wonder if anything will work at all, and if they struggle to keep it all together is worth anything at all. It is, of course, I just need to pump up some motivation and I’ll be back up and running.
For now, I trudge on.
Clean here clean there, pile up more dirty laundry and walk away from them hoping they go away. Get the potty and sit the toddler on it, then beg her to empty her bowels. It doesn’t work, so I distract her with songs and chants for the next 20 minutes. We check and yaaaaay! we got lucky! Time to move on.
We set up breakfast and my laptop. I have some Mother’s Day posters to put up. The older girls are managing well, but Ella needs help. She bites into a cinnamon roll and I help her sip her tea. We are doing so well until I try to reach the mouse, and I knock off the cup with Ella’s tea. It spills on her clean pants and mine. We have to change. More clothes pile up.
I need this day to get better.
The girls seem to be planning a surprise. I see those exchanging looks and my detective’s hairs stand straight up. I want to say something, but my husband gives me a please-don’t-ruin-their-effort look, so I shut up like a good girl and smile, for the first time today.
Suddenly, I remember I haven’t sent greetings to my two mums. They respond, but something my mum in law says brings tears to my eyes. It’s so sincere and carries a truck-load of sincerity. She didn’t have to love me. She has her plate full already, but she has space for more.
Grown as we are, our parents never say it’s enough. They will care for us to their last breaths. And we will do the same for our children…and them theirs.
I may tire from carrying bruised hands around or worry myself to sleep, wondering where the line cuts. But until I see I see the gift in my children, until I see the love that surrounds me and the meaning they bring to my life, I will have missed the most precious moments I could ever experience.
True, motherhood is not for everyone, but everyone who loves and gives gains it all back from tiny little hearts. Sometimes, it’s all you need to keep going. It can also be that kick you need in your behind to get started on your journey to greatness. And sometimes, it’s all the motivation you need. To all mums, all who hold mummy roles, and those that would have been mums, you still loved and gave. Happy Mothers’ Day!
PS. Oh, about the surprise, the girls got me lots of snacks, wished me a good one and ate them all up! 🙂 Oh well!