April 17, 2014
Just the other day, as it seems, I held you in my arms for the first time. The doctor showed you to me to confirm that you were my precious little Raine and not Oden as I would have named my son. Forget about Xenia…if it were really you haunting my dreams back then just know I was not ready then and I wouldn’t want to be reminded of that past now. I was happy to meet you. Weighing barely 2.9 kilos you looked so tiny and helpless yet peaceful and contended with where God placed you, in my arms. I loved you from the very moment I knew you were growing in me; I loved you more when I met you. You are beautiful, even when you cry, you tiny mouth curls up in a very cute pout and sometimes I forget you are crying because you look so stunning!
I need to leave
Time flies, my love. I cannot believe I am telling you this already, but I have to go back to work. You may not understand it now, but I actually signed up for this the moment I decided to become a working mom. I needed to help your father, that’s what good wives do; they act as the neck to the head. Oh my, this you will also not understand now. I write this as I also plan myself for my first week at work. I can tell you for sure that I am not looking forward to this at all. i had changed my schedule to fit into yours, my life was all about you, your sister Pesh, your daddy and our house. I hardly moved away from home just so I could give my children the best of my time. I hope I have given you a great welcome these last three months. I hope you do not forget me, hun. That is one of my biggest fears. See, I was with your sister for about eight months when I had her and leaving her was pretty bearable as she was a lot older than you are now. She was weaned and…Oh dear, it still wasn’t easy leaving her behind. I guess I’m just being a normal mom here. Simply put, I am not used to leaving any of my children at any one point in my life; it’s devastating.
You are my world
Pesh, I had a great time bonding with you, helping you with your homework each day and well, fighting with you to eat, clean up after yourself and sleep. You may have made me want to run up the wall but in the end, I would not barter this experience for anything in this world. I may start taking you to school next term, I hope I manage to juggle all these and still remain you and Raine’s super mom. I love both of you with every bit of me and even if you see less of me, I still love you to bits. One day when you grow up, you will understand that I am doing this for you; for a better life for you my girls and our family. I can’t believe its time already.