Tag Archives: Marriage problems

Stick to your marriage- Both-Feet-In

Welcome to the 21st century; the times when we are liberal as we call it. We welcome evil deeds and society accepts pretty much anything and everything we goad. Married women and men cheat openly; in fact, they use their wedding bands to be a magnet for the mpango wa kando, promising no strings are truly attached. In-laws still want to be in command of marriages and go as far as ganging up to ‘Chase away the evil wife and bring in the nice one’. They still will stab you in the back and refuse to speak to you if you will not listen to their proposals. Wives are refusing to get pregnant for fear that their marriage may not last; and some are still foolishly fighting with their in-laws. Young men are still chasing me on Facebook asking me to stop pretending to be faithful to my husband…haha. Its funny the only thing that remains consecrated is the little dream of making a home and even this lies entangled in libel, mistrust, infidelity and selfishness.

I have tried to sit and have conversations with different types of people and very few do not annoy me. I go back home with more questions than answers and wonder what exactly happened to us. Where are our forefathers? Is God watching and taking in our thoughts and actions politely? Will he finally lose his patience and send angels to do away with us? We do not fear laws or even God anymore. We beat our chests and praise our egos, we declare ourselves the most intelligent of all yet when we give ourselves a chance to see what we really are like through the eyes of others, we will realise we are wasting the beautiful gift of life God gave us.

Men love independent women…but too much independence can render them useless to a woman. God was not being unfair when he said we women should be submissive; being the neck of the house, it is your duty to balance the body being your family. Your husband needs you to support him, not be his critic. You need to reassure your man that you will always be there for him no matter what happens. You may be the supporter of the brains, but that does not mean the neck has no neurons or nerves. As the wife, you need to push the brain to where the body is comfortable. Turn the head to better budgeting and planning finances, to seeing new opportunities, to identifying bad friends and influences, to letting your husband take all the credit for it. Yes, that is the beginning of being unselfish.

marriage pic
Did it ever occur to you than when you praise your husband he will praise you back? Think about it. You build a house together; he pays all the money but you give all the ideas. Now when you go around telling everyone how if it were not for you that house would have looked horrendous, you might as well forget about having your name on that piece of beauty. When you instead tell everyone your man is the brains and built you a glorious house, he would not mind sharing it with someone who is humble and selfless. Is that too much to ask?

Women love material things, even if we are the ones buying them ourselves. Who doesn’t want to be spotted in a flashy pair of heels, a handbag and nice make up? Now as a man, sometimes your ego or pride will lie to you to think that we dress up to look good for other men out there. We don’t… well apart from those sisters who obviously shout away for sexual attention. So when you marry a woman, why would you want to do away with what attracted you to her? Is it the fear that another man may see the same thing and steal her away from you? Are you in short saying you do not trust that she loves you and only you? have you ever been tempted to make her less attractive? Or decided to get another lady to give her competition just so they both fight for your attention? In this way, if I may ask? Are you fulfilling God’s request to love, care for and protect your wife as you would the church or your faith? Do you enjoy seeing women fight for you and kill each other over you? Is that the same reason you would beat her up? Let me not get into the domestic war subject, I mean you still haven’t made me understand why you would fight someone who will never fight back; unless she, well, poisons your food…you trust her cooking yet you hurt her:) Let’s skip this topic.

This is my quest today. If you take away your marriage certificate or your visit to the AG; if you take away all the affidavits and that wedding band…would you still stick faithfully to your partner? A friend made me lack sleep thinking about it and I did think a lot about it. This was my conclusion; we get affidavits for marital security, in case you have shared properties and children… and of course relatives who may pounce on them should anything happen to you. We go to the AG to unionize a marriage, for those of us who do not like to show the world which human being it is you chose to share your life with and prefer to keep it private. The reason for the AG also has a bit of marriage security in it and bit of ‘Let’s shut up our parents’ demands’ it’s good enough though. Weddings are the ultimate way to do it. You show the world it’s him you chose and vow before the most supreme high to follow his orders on marriage…yet when trouble looms you want out already. Do you know the Bible says even after a divorce you are not allowed to remarry unless your spouse dies? Yes, I was pleasantly surprised to find that out. It is till death; not boredom, infidelity, in laws, fights, domestic violence or cash flow.

Here is my challenge to you. Work towards making your marriage work. Look at your spouse as your choice in life because that is your choice in life. With or without that paper of proof, no one forced you to love him/her. You felt it and you chose to pursue your feelings. Strive to remain blameless in your marriage. Do your part to love, cherish and be your spouse’s closest ally, always reminding them that they are the best gift to this world and to your life. Don’t make the world hate your spouse; instead, influence them to be their best. Be their positive influence and their friend when they do not need wifely counsel. Let them be the ones to deal with your in-laws, but never strive to separate his family. Put both your feet in. If you are constantly thinking or threatening to leave, they will plan their future without you in it knowing you may just walk away one day. It is up to you to reassure your spouse that you love them that much.

Your relationship was your choice in the first place. Be decisive and learn to enjoy your marriage everyday.

Too much Social media is bad for your Marriage…

I sat in front of my laptop at my usual spot in the office. Surfing online is a lot of fun especially when the boss pays you to live there…almost literary. I got to watch tweets roll up, update face book status, and add profiles on Linked In. I had Justin online on Skype chatting with the volume button muted. Freedom is not meant to be overcooked.

I am used to getting friendship requests from strangers, most of them being 1990 and above year-born young men. It is not easy to break the heart of such a young lad so most of the time; I prefer to act as though am not online. Sometimes curiosity bites off my conscience and I go ahead to accept the requests while I await the chat. It usually doesn’t take long and the chat usually lasts no more than twenty minutes, calculated within a budget of ten shillings in a cheap cyber café.

While I chatted with hubby on Skype, my task manager lit up with a chat probing on face book. I ignored it at first, but the endless blinking got the best of me. It was Justin again. This was unusual. It read, ‘Hi’. Justin never began his chats with a ‘hi’.

Quickly, I shifted to Skype. ‘Are you online on Facebook as well?’

‘Nope’ was his inattentive response. Back to Facebook, I let the curious bug bite deeper. ‘Hi!’ I replied. ‘Sorry I had to hack into your husband’s profile because I needed to talk to you.’ My eyes popped out. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. ‘So who are you?’ I pushed. ‘If I wanted you to know that, I would simply have used my own profile *wink*’ another response appeared. I was puzzled.

Skype notifications were getting impatient so I switched to it. Justin was wondering what was going on. ‘Someone with your name and profile is chatting with me’ I quickly explained, He didn’t sound surprised. ‘Oh, I’ll just change my password again’ he brushed it off and went on to ask what was new at work. Apart from this interesting hacker, nothing really!

Face book again ‘Ok, so what exactly do you want?’ I do not do polite notes with strangers, especially those who think they understand my marriage more than I do. ‘I want to save you from a noxious heartbreak!’I couldn’t believe it. He went on. ‘Justin doesn’t love you as much as he claims…He is a charade.’ I didn’t respond. A big part of me knew this guy was just testing my trust, but a wee bit of me wondered what if…What if there was just, something?

Many women who get cheated on also believe it’s not possible for their angels to turn into monsters. I looked back and scrutinised how we had been living. It couldn’t possibly be. We are so close, he has become my hand bag and I his tail!

‘I know you must be hurting now’ another chat message peeped in. I had been too silent and my ‘knight in shining armour must have thought I was wailing in tears and running around like a chicken that just lost its head. He was almost right, only I wasn’t moving. For the first time, I was finger struck (Or what do you call being tongue tied when you are typing?). I had no words to defend my marriage and no foul language for hoax Justin. My heart raced…I could feel it in my mouth. I had no doubt that Justin and I were doing very well. In fact, he was chatting with me on Skype! What time did he ever get to cheat on me?

‘What is on your mind?’ hoax Justin queried. ‘I am just wondering how idle people get sometimes, for you to make all this up. Justin is right here with me reading this as well’ finally, some defence mechanism was underway. This time, Hoax Justin went dead silent, consequently feeding my courage. ‘What, did you think I would just believe some strange sadistic hacker? Get a life you idiot!

Silence

I got stronger. Where did you go to again? Come baby, come! This phrase is officially the Ish. ‘Hun’ popped up on. ‘Don’t hun me you dim-witted home wrecker!’ I was flaring, almost tearing my hair away’ ‘I know guys like you! You just enjoy the gratification or break-ups! You Effing…’ I literary clinched my fists.

‘Wait hun, it’s just me, Justin’ what? ‘Sorry, I didn’t think you’d go all gaga about this. It was supposed to be a joke!’ Wait, did I just get played there? It was unbelievable. I just wasted so much emotion on a prank? I was in murder mode. ‘Is that really you, Justin?’ no response. A Skype message popped in again. ‘Yes, hun, that was me. Thank you. You fortified our love and proved once more that this marriage means a lot to you.’ I couldn’t believe it. ‘You there?’ he probed. I was still panting out the rage and aggravation; still garnering my words. With smoke coming out of my ears, I took a deep breath and counted to five. ‘Sweetie?’ he probed. ‘Pray that I don’t catch you,’ was all I promised as I logged off and called it a day.