April 4, 2013
So what is this love? I mean the Kenyan way? The reason I call it kenyan is because even if you were to leave the country and travel elsewhere, your way of handling a woman or a man remains the same. The only thing that might change is the effect of their varied reactions to your treatment. Otherwise, the way you view relationships barely changes. Someone once condemned us women who love watching soap operas. He warned that if we want them to act like the men in soaps we ought to act like the women there too! If you look at it from their way of reasoning it makes such perfect sense!
The rule of love remains the same. I choose to put women in my ring today. I am angered at the sight of families breaking up and on doing research. We women take 90% responsibility. This is how it starts.
Case study 1
Man meets woman, he likes what he sees, woman feels proud, plays hard to get. Man gets serious and focuses on woman; takes her out to dinner, buys flowers and ice cream. Man can’t stand it but he makes an effort to please woman… they finally become an item. Both man and woman have one-foot-in-one-foot-out of the relationship. They test waters; necks occasionally out in the market. Man and woman put in their best to get the other’s full attention. They both win. A wedding happens and both man and woman stop looking back. Both relax and no effort is maintained; woman wants to be admired and praised by her man; man wants to be served by woman trusting that she is a home maker; the perfect wife. Woman gets reality shock, she wants to have more fun and not cook. Man is angry, he wants woman to change. Woman has no idea what’s going on…puts on her pride and hopes man will be more loving and let her buy burgers and ice cream for dinner.
Case study 2
Man meets woman, he likes what he sees, woman feels proud, plays hard to get). Man gets serious and focuses on woman; takes her out to dinner, buys flowers and ice cream. Man can’t stand it but he makes an effort to please woman… they finally become an item. Both man and woman are hard-working, but woman has intent; she pleases man and becomes his goddess. Man is mesmerised, clings more to woman, yearning for more. Woman plays her cards well; winds man round his finger. Man is lost in woman. She is in charge. She controls plans, and a wedding finally happens. Soon after man expects more awe from woman. He worships at her feet, hanging on to her words. Woman gets tired, pushes man away. Its time to enjoy marriage, but man has no idea how he got there. He just wants his woman…she fails to keep up.
Case study 3
Man meets woman, he likes what he sees, woman feels proud, plays hard to get (we always do, don’t we?). Man gets serious and focuses on woman; takes her out to dinner, buys flowers and ice cream. Woman has a dramatic past. Heart breaks and disappointment fill her previous relationships. She holds back from man in fear of a repeat. Man thinks woman is the best as she has learnt from this past; he gives his all in hope for loyalty, love and trust. Woman builds up insecurity, fights with ghosts of her own fears. She chases away all of man’s female friends, panic often and throws tantrums when she feels threatened. Man tries hard to give assurance, but woman fails to stabilize.
All these three scenarios are very common. They are what make men get plan B…well, unless your man is one of those cases that I will deal with in my next piece. Just as we say two wrongs don’t make a write, I do not defend any of these two parties. If a man knows his woman has a battle with her past, he needs to come down to her level and help her get past it. We are dealing with human beings here, not technological equipment that needs to be updated. We have hearts and they only get harder when life presents tough situations.
Fellow women, your man wants you to be Super-woman because you are. The same way you are able to work and tend to your pregnancy or the very same way you are able to do your 8 to 5 and still remember to pay your chama on time and collect that chiffon top you ordered last week only proves one thing; that we can multitask. His mother showed him the best so he looks for what he knows. Don’t think that your good looks will save you…do not be deceived. They complete their purpose once the attraction bit is done. He will not worship at your feet everyday. Nor will he take you out to hang with friends all the time.
He wants you to clean around the house, help the kids with home work, show love and strictness in controlling cash flow, cook delicious meals, Give him great sex ( leave him grovelling at you), smile and crack jokes, laugh at his jokes…note, and dress to please him. If your man adores minis, get the shortest for your bedroom. Do not let the world feed their eyes on your man’s stuff. If he thinks minis, and sexy stockings are too much, go simple and stylish and still keep what he first loved about you intact. There is more on the way.
Take a break. See you at ring 2