Babies come easy? They lied…

Now that I failed, I can attest to the fact that disappointment can really make one lose focus of their goals. The power of the mind is incredible, but when it all goes into your head, you can run miles, get exhausted and suddenly wake up from deep dreamy sleep. My brain played a nasty one on me. We were trying to get pregnant… Goodness me! All your attention is suddenly focused here! How you love gossip! Ok, sit tight and let me do my usual. We got off the pill and started redirecting our minds to getting pregnant. As is in the 21st century, we did not wait for God to bless us…no, I went on to search for ways and means of getting a preferred child. The outcome awed me.
It turns out that people do know how to get a particular gender in children. They know and yet they sit on their discoveries until you mention it in a whisper. Only then will you be pulled aside and your seriousness carefully scrutinized before any information is offered. Heck! It’s like dealing marijuana! So one friend offered to give me a Chinese based calendar (True, Chinese have literary everything under the sun) that depicted what months I am likely to get what baby at what ages. The first thing I did was counter-check on all the babies I know and their mothers’ ages. Some were right, some I forced right…it was pleasantly positive, though it was really hard to tell when exactly they were conceived as babies can come at any time.

baby
I then researched online…this was the fun part. I joined all moms and baby blogs and websites, read as much as I could and noted down what was most important. The advice remained pretty much the same though people’s experiences made a lot of difference. Some got pregnant weeks after getting off the pill, others tried for a full year, and some are still trying! I took down my notes, and set off to try.
I bought nutritious supplements, and made Justin eat lots of groundnuts haha. I also have up on my wine fetish and embarked on eating and exercising well. Things we do for family…The rest remains censored but from then on, we waited…and waited…and that was when my brain started working. I started craving dry bread and got too hungry too fast. I hated having to go to the bathroom and got really lazy and tired. When I got the anger episodes, I thought that was really it! I started feeling huge and delicate…slept with one hand on my belly and well, started thanking Jesus!

Now there is this sign that I was waiting for; a sign I had read about that would prove it all should I want to test positive. This sign would either prove me right, or wrong. It is what the blogs called ‘Ovulation bleeding’. This was a sign that would prove that we had conceived. Stop nudging me! Ovulation bleeding happens once an embryo has attached itself to the uterus. It is like a wound formed in the process and comes out as a very light pinkish to brown bleeding. This bleeding usually happens in the first week of conception. There. You should try reading these things too, and yes, I am having yet another anger episode at the thought at the next phase of this piece.

When we traveled home, my best friend and I took a walk down the valleys and to the river down stream. It was the most beautiful sight, with the sun shining in some parts and lots of clouds laying low in others. There was as lot of whispering from the trees and huge round rocks lying lazy at the stream. We played a lot, got chased by bees and took photos in the woods. We let our troubles fly with the wind and our voices and we made noises and humming birds responded. For a moment there, life was good. It lasted an hour as the once blue skies suddenly got hovered by dull clouds. Before we could say ‘lightening’ it was pouring tremendously. We ran up hill having hid our phones somewhere safe and by time we were backing home, we were a perfect replica of rained on chicken.
I went to the bathroom for a quick cold shower and by the time I sat down to enjoy a glass of warm milk I had found out I was not pregnant. Nature had helped me relax and I let go of my worries and concerns. I also let go of my pregnancy. Grief, anger and disenchantment were all I felt and it took me a week to realize that it could never have worked just because the Chinese chart thought so. I gave up and gave God back his mantle. May his will be done.

Focus on Princess Pesh

Princess Pesh is all grown up! Come 1st June, she will be exactly two and a half years old. She can pronounce a lot of words already; she even has several favourites. She stops me from calling her daddy, Baba Pesh. ‘No Mommy!’ she yells, ‘his name is Daddy!’

She fights a lot with her dad mainly for wanting to sit on the same spot or when he touches her for more than three seconds. They fight for his glass of water and for her candy. They even fight over me! ‘Mommy wangu…Mommy wangu…’ she goes whilst holding me tightly. She will then eye him to see what he would do about that fact. Whenever she gets sleepy, she calls out to me and points to my lap. ‘I want to sleep here’ and she pokes me. Many times you would catch me grasping for breadth over the words that come out of her mouth.

It’s hardly been a month since she moved into her own room, now she even brags about it. Yesterday I stopped her from biting the cat. She put the dirty, poor animal between her teeth and went down to bite it. I’d rather die than see the cat’s reaction to that! She begs for potty and dances crazily to stop her from peeing, she still runs away from her own poop and now she wants to flash the W/C each time it fills up.

Little girl still believes in the thief who comes in and hides in the dark waiting for her to behave badly. She believes the thief will steal away her ears, dolls and DVDs, she respects him even more than she respects mommy, if she respects mommy at all.

The other day, I held her sandal in my hand, threatening to give her a proper thrash if she wouldn’t swallow her food. Later, when I sat down to eat mine she came over, picked up her daddy’s 8 foot size shoe and shouted, ‘Meza haraka!’ at me. I thought I died. Ok. I think I die too many times out of shock; I may end up making this word lose its meaning. So I died…. 🙂

She still runs all over the house like a little mad girl. I once made a mistake and gave her a glass of coke. The next 10 minutes that followed found us moving our heads right to left, to right again, following a little girl who ran tirelessly across the room who screamed excitedly as she ran by.

Pesh will give you a phone call.

Oh yes she will. She easily unlocks my android which is fully touch screen, searches for contacts and calls the name that she feels looks pleasing to her eye. Most of the time, she calls her grandmother, who is always happy to hear her chirrup her greetings. She will hold a conversation safely through the greetings and hand it over to you to ask her whatever you’d like. I pray she never calls my boss or even worse, have his wife pick the phone up!

She can tell what belongs to whom and will sometimes embarrass us when we serve our guests with our personalised cups. Thankfully, she will not yank it out of their hands.

Little Pesh is a lover of hugs. She hugs me when I walk in everyday, hugs me when she meets me coming from the shop, she hugs everyone who recognises her and only needs a hug to comfort her. She is a lover of attention and luckily she always deserves it. Such an entertainer she is!

She loves babies, but sometimes she can get reaaaaaallllly pissed off. Those are the times when I’d rather not have a new born baby in my house. Little girl will turn into a crazy fireball and turn the house upside down. The only way I calm her down is by pulling her in a quick embrace and hold her there till she is done breaking down.

Pesh can pray.

One day, my mom came home to see our ‘wall unit’. I had it custom made and we saved a lot of money on it. While she wanted to buy a whole set for well over Kshs. 30,000, I asked her to come check mine out. She did and she loved it. Just before she left, she did her usual thing. ‘Let’s pray’ she began. Pesh didn’t wait. She picked the cue and led us to a night-time prayer. She blessed everyone in our court, Ussie, her kitten and her ‘Wawa’- grandma who lives in Taita.

The following Monday, mom called me and wrote Pesh’s prayer down on phone. Later, I overheard from reliable sources that her baby-class pupils recite Pesh’s prayer over and over each day for practice.

For her records, I wouldn’t mind keeping this for her to remember…

‘Dear God, Thank you for today. Forgive us our sins. As we sleep, be with us. Bless Daddy, Mommy, Jane, Ussie, Sam, auntie……..and all our friends. In Jesus name, we pray, Amen’

This song also made my week.

I’m bringing home my baby bumble bee, wont my mommy be so proud of me I’m bringing home my baby bumble bee, ouch! Pesh Mwambi! (Replace Pesh Mwambi with- It stung me!)

One thing I know that is not usual with this girl is her clear memory. She knows the way to her grandparent’s house, the way to the doctor she hates, the wrong way and the weird way. She thinks a lot before she agrees to do something.  My daddy loves her most because despite her mad love for cars, she refused to take a ride with them without her mommy. It only proved that she follows her instincts when she is not sure of something.

This little girl is growing fast, strong and very intelligent. Soon I hope to teach her to write so she can be one of my guest writers. Hopefully, she will entertain more than I do so we can both fight for the light spot. This little Princess, my precious little Pesh.