Forgive or get sick!

If you find yourself holding grudges or taking too long… or never, to forgive yourself or others you should consider reading this post. If you have anger issues or depressive tendencies then come running and feed your mind!

I didn’t know this at first, but I can attest that a couple of times in my life I have gotten so angry, my hands trembled, I stuttered and sometimes couldn’t speak…it got worse when my stomach would churn and I’d get pressured to empty my bowels, and all my intestines attached therein.

I would easily have described it  as ‘Hasira ya Mkisii” and move on with life content with my heritage…but then, i realised people react differently and forgive at different rates, some never forgiving at all. It got me curious and, well, here we are!

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So, like many things it starts small, with a spat with someone you care about or an action that angers you. It then matures and turns into resentment and hostility and since at this state its almost impossible to collect yourself, you walk away with a promise never to go back on what you feel. A heavy dose of hurt and disappointment leads you to fall into high levels of anger…chronic anger; as I found out.

Now here is a fact. Did you know that Chronic anger can completely throw you off-balance? You get into a fight-or-flight mode; your heart rate increases, your blood pressure sky rockets and all the while your body struggles to get you back into safety? This unfortunately increases your chances of being depressive, getting a heart disease and diabetes among other illnesses.

So as they insist, forgiveness calms stress levels, leading to your improved health.

More facts…studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure and levels of anxiety, depression and stress.

And as you grow older, this connection increases.

So forgive yourself and those that hurt you. Do it, not for them, but yourself.

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So What’s cutting?

Its 2017, and this year, unlike many others, you have vowed to not make any resolutions. You perhaps made so many over the years and ended up accomplishing none. Even worse, you turned out worse than you were in 2015, no? Oh well, worry not. One of my resolutions is not to make any either. But…

I still want to be different. I feel different anyways so I might as well live as I feel, right? There are a couple if things I realise we need to work on to make these actually happen. There we go. Those are plain and outright resolutions right there! Sigh! I give up. I do have resolves, I want to share them as they may work for you too and yes, I’m going to shove them down your throat in just a bit.So, hold on, before you make any move…I’m not giving away any guarantees but, these could make that little difference.

Mind your own business

People don’t really care about you or what you do if it doesn’t affect them. Most of them, at no_one_cares_cartoon_round_sticker-r31fbfc8382b740d5ac6edf462f6d5b0a_v9waf_8byvr_324least, (eye-roll) so mind your own business and stop telling people what you did unless you’re sharing tips on what worked well on something they could do too…that, or you’re better off sharing it as a testimony (eye-roll)

Take up a project. Seriously!

It could be on yourself, your business, if you don’t have one already, or for someone. I’ll share a few examples…

  • If you have some free time during or after work, take up a free course on how to improve yourself. Even better, pick something you know is challenging or something you have shelved for a while. If you like to draw or write, put a up blog and put it down..or take up voice lessons for fun. You never know where this could lead you to.
  • Take advantage of current situations and problems and do something for your business…or start one. They say necessity is the mother of invention. We are a third world country and well, so much lacks! However, be careful not to throw money on a project you haven’t researched well on and worse, don’t get tricked into jumping on other people’s ideas. You’re creative. Yes, you are.
  • Do something for someone…this works best with someone who deserves your time. ways-on-how-you-can-help-your-child-perform-better-in-school-725x445It could be junior colleague you can mentor, your child who probably has shown interest in a musical class or your spouse who is jobless and perhaps, idle. Do something…we don’t have to call it a resolution as long as you feel the difference.

Continue reading “So What’s cutting?”

Love your wife wholy; not only in need

To all chauvinists out there, and all those who are not sure if they are or not…this is to you. It’s very sad to meet a grown up man, surprisingly not yet extinct, who thinks so lowly of women. Or that fool who treats women like crap and goes on to shower their mothers and sisters with love. Honestly, how ignorant can one be? When women fight for equal rights, do not think we seek them because we have air between our ears. It’s because women feel the pressure bestowed on men, who they so dearly love. As a result they decide to leave their nests, hire someone to watch their babies so that they can go out to look for money to cushion their men from financial distress.

AS I write this, I wish to thank my husband for letting me go to work while he stayed home with both our daughters, on a day when our house girl was away, I especially commend him for the exceptional job he did with our three month old Raine. Justin, I am still speechless.

For those still wearing iron masks, remember that it was initially your sole duty to be a provider. If you still beat up your chest and claiming that your woman is just a woman and nothing more, then you are not deserving of a wife, or a female companion for that matter; not in the 21st century. This is unless you give her everything she can ever ask for and never getting tired of her asking them of you. Most men i know quickly get tired of this and can easily resolve to violence to ease their frustrations.

Bear a child.
For those men who do not know this, if you are inflicted by half the pain a woman goes through during labour and the delivery of your child, you will barely be alive. Now, this woman agrees to have your child, ( I believe it’s a choice we make to bear them right?) while you sit somewhere in a bar with friends being rewarded for enjoying the child- making time and hardly looking after your wife while she was expectant…oh wait! You probably were the one who frustrated her all the way to the delivery room! Insisting that she cooks without help from the house help( with valid reasons), letting her go for clinic check ups on her own, dismissing her cravings…oh sure, you know exactly what it is you do. After your child comes, not in a million years will you be caught, not even ‘kwa camera ya mbao’ changing the baby’s diapers or giving him a bath. You will sit at a corner and watch angrily as your young child takes over your territory. Later when your wife is exhausted and suffering a back pain for the work she did without your help, you go on and ask for service.

Working Mama
Those with working wives, you easily forget that your wife is equally tired ate the end of each day yet you expect her to be home by 5 and cook in time for your arrival. Some employers are fed up with you when you stop your wives from attending meetings outside office or from going on team-building activities. You are a pain in their butts. You doubt your wife’s ability to be her best at work and to make her remain just a woman; you make unrealistic demands and insult her intelligence. You forget this woman is your greatest defender; the only one person who will stick with your should you lose your job. You think you are doing your woman a favour when you propose to her? Think again. Once married, you are the ones who gain the prestigious vitambis while you insult her distorted body shape after baby number one. You are the one who will sit and read the morning dailies while she runs around like a headless chicken trying to make you and your babies comfortable. Just because you are the head of the house, it does not mean the necklace around your neck is not noticeable. Take good care of your wife, support her and help her with the babies and your house when she is overwhelmed. You will not only be rewarded by long life, you will also be a happy man, being rewarded constantly for having a heart big enough to share. To those women with great husbands, reward them with as much as you can, let them be a motivation to love them everyday, take care of their every need. Let us not take for granted what God put beside us, lest you are forced to learn the hard way that you only know the value of something once it’s gone. Like Jesus said, “Now go ye and do good” Happy Easter

Touching up the interiors…

I like the progress I have made so far. I love the way the human mind works. It seems whenever you move something from its original spot, you notice the area around it. I gave us a deadline of this year to do most of the furnishings in the house. Actually till the end of October. We have made quite some progress on this and yes, we did it diligently. We were working with our pace and at the same time saving up. There is no such comfort as knowing you have back up somewhere…more like a cushion for you to fall on should an emergency come up.So this is what I have been working on lately.

I gave my bedroom top priority. It looked really bad with marks on an unpainted wall, and barely shelves to use as storage. When you have something so tiny and survive with it, each day you find yourself dreaming of big things. Like the wardrobe I sought in every supermarket for many days. They were all too costly and still looked weak. So I went to my trusted fundi and showed him some photos I got online. We re-created a new model of my wardrobe as big as my dream was. It is a double door- sliding (for the sake of space and all attached to the wall. Its extension is a dressing table that one can only break down to steal:)

Old shelves that did storage
Old shelf that did the storage
That’s the same wardrobe my husband decided would look better in green than blue and sad as I was it actually turned out to be a great colour!
New Wall to wall wardrobe
New Wall to wall wardrobe
As for the ugly marks, I put up small beautiful frames to hide the flaws…
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I went back to our open kitchen and added more storage at the top. I can never have enough storage…not with my mom as my neighbor, no. she calls me to collect kienyeji mbogas and bananas from my mama land. I love my mother; in her eyes, her children never grew up! So we fixed three wooden partitions and yes, I painted it white so it would go well with the other kitchen colours.
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I hated the seat colours I had… they somehow looked too noisy with the many colours we had…pink, orange, golden brown and black… this is what they looked like…

These are about 20 years old by the way.. hehe
These are about 20 years old by the way.. hehe

We opted to shut them up and changed the seat covers to creamy and black. We then matched them with a large black and cream carpet and voila… the room was finally lighting up! DSC02853
We just needed the right drapery and we would be good to go. A friend insisted we keep it white. “Your house looks like a rainbow” she lamented “please don’t paint it any more!” I really hope she was not on the verge of howling… Hehe. I listened and took my rainbow inspiration to its edges, combining the kitchen green with some gold and largely white on the extended decor…DSC02856
kitchen main door curtains I kept the cushion linen orange to match the large orange holding the entertainment unit but this is only to be seen when we are cleaning or changing the covers. unsealed cushions
Those are yet to be completed and yes, it’s a Do-It-Yourself-Task.

Eventually when they are all filled out and stitched to closure they will look somewhat like this…seat with Cushion 1
So far, i stand from far and I like what I see.. its my little haven and done in a span of three years. so proud of myself 😀

Justin wants a male touch to the house…he wants a home theatre and he wants it now…I, on the other hand want a female touch! (One wonders what the heck we have been touching up with!) I need flower pots big enough for a future son to sneak a pee in hehehe! Just kidding, but in the meantime, I am desperately in need of book shelf and study desk ideas… 🙁

Love the Kenyan way Pt 2

A typical African man will want to be like his father. “I am my father’s son!” he will go about thumping his chest. Probably the very same way his father would say about his grandfather. However, the Kenyan man is making an effort to pull away from this trend. If his father was abusive and violent, and gave is mother no respect, then he strives to be his exact opposite. I know of some ladies who celebrate the birth of a boy child, not because an heir has finally risen; but because when this boy grows up, his mother will enjoy full protection against an abusive man.
This post is not all about abusive men. This just gives me a perfect example of what happened in our father’s time that doesn’t happen now…well not so much. Back in the day, a young man would literary chase down a young beautiful woman while on her way to serve boiled yams to her grandmother. The chase would be intense and with the help of other young men, she would be made his wife almost instantly. As a wife, a woman’s place was the kitchen and the children. She would ensure everyone is well fed, cleaned up and that her husband gets the best share of everything available.
Since we have very few historic books to guide us in our effort to emulate our fore fathers, we tend to seek counsel from our families. Our priorities have changed. Basic needs are no longer food water or shelter; and not in that order anyway. To survive earth, you need health, wealth, fame… and the rest follow…in that order.
Now, to find love in Kenya, you must
• Be rich, or pretend to be
• Be some body’s previous…even current husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend…you just need that kind of experience
• Be a home-maker and at the same time a money-maker…showing potential will do too
• Be ready to test your reproductive system..no offence.
Now before those eggs and tomatoes come crashing on my face, this is merely my opinion no research team, hired. Here are my reasons in form of questions:-
• Why would a man have to borrow a friend’s jeep to floss and get a girl to go out with him?
• Why would my husband be a target for young lads in a joint simply because he wore the two dazzling silver rings I bought him on his birthday?
• Why would a woman want my husband barely months after we got married? And why would a man want to try and confuse me just before I say ‘I do’?
• Why would a man sleep with your house-help yet when you lose your job he would thrash you like a three year old?
• Why do we all… (hehe am a culprit here) choose to have babies before saying ‘I do’ ? Do we doubt what we are capable of, really?
love
Man, don’t we make our mothers’ cry! Much as we are being westernised, its nice that we are still retaining what our fathers taught us. These Mombasa cases should never be heard of again. Here are my 3 cents, for whatever it counts. Don’t name your children animals anymore. We have a God to believe in so Simba? really? Well at the same time… those wazungu names we use and we have no idea what they mean… lets do more research. We cannot have a blonde’s name residing in south Nyanza. Men, if your wife is beautiful, don’t step all over her so that she loses her confidence and sticks to you. She chose you to be the only one who can have her no matter how many salivate after her. Men, polygamy is illegal before the law and a sin before God…nothing to give Caesar here. You cannot date someone for two years, love her and want to marry her only to ask what your folks think on the day of the ruracio. How do you expect them to love her in a day when it took you months? And anyway, what if they don’t like her… were they there when you fell head over heels for her? Certainly not! and neither will they be there when she rocks your night and makes you go gaga over her. Did I censor this post earlier on?
Women, when you man loses his job, don’t laugh and tell everyone who cares to listen about it. Cover him up…show him you are his best friends as we know our true friends when we have nothing to offer. Hard as it may be, please him… for men, a good session of love making cures everything from flu to low self-esteem. Don’t punish him because he never bought you that god coated ring. A man may be led by his body to want another woman about you, but when he remembers what you have been to him…that’s when he can make a decision. Let’s keep being Kenyan. Let’s make Kenyan love spicy, peeps.

Newbie in the Bedroom

Part one of our bedroom is ready; the wardrobe. This is how we did it. We searched online for designs we could borrow. Having used shelves for the last three years, it was time we made a big switch to something different; something…bigger. I wanted a wall to wall cabinet with a little allowance for the dressing table. So we searched everywhere and finally, I got it; a three door cabinet…and a cool calming color to go. Before kick starting this, I visited various supermarkets to see what I could find. It was surprising that not one in town had what i had imagined. However, Naivas near Allsops had a nice three door cabinet with the middle part fitted with cabinets, just as I wanted. I was going for Kshs. 32,000 and the various dressing mirrors that would go well with it ranged beween Kshs. 10,000 to kshs. 15,000. Total avereage cost was about Kshs. 47,000. There was no way my husband would let me buy something worth so much for one place only; I never bothered to ask either. So I printed out my little dream wardrobe and visited Paul, our carpenter. What we had in mind was something like this.
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We made a few changes here and there and Paul set of to start.
he is a genius; in four days, the wardrobe was ready for painting. I wanted a very light shade of blue. I always get to pick my favourite colours and I sent my husband to buy a nice baby blue… I sent him with this lovely image on his phone…
blue cabinet colour 2

As men will always be men, and we women just never learn. He picked out something close to the blue… the exact opposite I mean; it was light green!

Not to worry though, it came out nicely though the challenge now is matching out this colour to the wall, bedding and drapery coming soon. Here take a look and let me know what you think…Oh and advise us what color to use for the rest of the house…we are honestly stuck! 🙁
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Thanks to the small Nairobi houses, opening these doors meant eating up a lot of space. As usual our flexible Paul was so kind as to accept the changes we had in mind. We put in sliding doors and yes, I played with them till they moved smoothly. This piece of beauty saved us an amazing Kshs. 10,000 from the full price we would have spent in the supermarket!

And come to think of it, its the color of our intended cabinet lol!. And one more thing. I did the painting myself yet again!

I love my cabinet! I love my cabinet! *dancing around*

When the Monster Attacks…

mental health
What do you know about Mental health?

All I know is you could be having it, yet you have no idea. Mental instability us living deep in your mind to the point where you shut of the world…and it probably comes out when you find yourself asking those many questions that do not have an answer to. It sometimes comes out when the world gives you too hard a challenge or perhaps, we are the ones too weak to believe in ourselves? Do you know mental instability is not necessarily having a man stripped naked walking in the middle of a highway…neither is it just that person who constantly talks to himself. And the reason a person going through depression will not eopenly tell you what he is going through is very simple. We, the society are too quick to brand them a bunch of crazy folks. Listen to this voice that quietly cares…

It started out like a joke, when he told me he had trouble sleeping. He would make me promise to wake him up if I saw him struggle in his sleep. Later, on some nights, he would make peculiar noises, like those of someone struggling to wake up. It was as if he was calling out for help. “Wake me up! Someone! Anyone! Please!!” he seemed to cry out amidst gagged sleep.
Some days are long, some short; some electrifying, others all entirely puzzling. We sometimes go out for errands, happy to be in each other’s company. We share a lot of jokes and enjoy stolen romantic moments. He knows I love hugs so he occasionally pulls me in his arms and searches deep in my eyes; searching for an assurance that our worlds are entwined.
Then, out of nowhere, his face drops; like a hot stone in an ice land. His reaction to me gets cold and each question I ask is followed by harsh looks and rage, pending, about to blow up. Finally, when all my comforting is exhausted and my patience dead beat, he snaps and asks me to shut up for I aggravate him with my concerns. I cringe and keep to myself, wondering and recounting my steps to find out what exactly I did to anger him so. I walk on and he throttles behind, disgusted by his own shadow; saddened by my fears. I see him gradually cool off and try to get close to me again. “I’m sorry, hun,” he tries. “What did I do?” I am deeply worried at what I saw. He tries to explain, but it’s not easy because it’s not any usual character. “I get these episodes, and when I am low, I never want to talk.” He explains, “Each time you ask me what is wrong, I ask myself the same thing and it makes me angry that I feel that way, and the more you ask, the more it burrows deep. It can get to a point where I cannot stand myself anymore.” This is when I realise what he goes through hurts him so much more than it worries me. He called it Bi-polar; the monster in charge of his moods. It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and each morning I wake up expecting either of them. Even as I promise not to push him while at his low, I quietly wonder how I am supposed to know who is with me if I do not ask.
I wish for him to get better; secretly, I pray and fast hoping beyond all hopes that this goes away. I hate to accept that it remains engraved in him, yet I wear my hope around my neck, believing; trusting beyond all natural things that one day he will look around and realise how blessed he is. If only I could take him on a trip in my world, and share with him the little things that make my world glamorous. He would be surprised to see the things he sees each day and discards them as boring usual stuff, are the very same things that make my life what it is. If only I could show him how little we need to enjoy life, or even how his very being has impacted my own life. If only he understands that it’s the simplicity of being able to breathe that makes this world what it is, and how he does not need anyone’s approval to be able to enjoy life. If only he could read this piece and feel my hand holding his, assuring him that I will always walk with him as that staying by his side makes my life worth every second. If only he could put his mane aside for a little while and enjoy the feeling this article bears out from me.